I thought about working out today, does that count?

My name is April. I'm addicted to food. Why? Because it's essential to live. It's unfortunate that we have to have food to live a healthy lifestyle. However, there is controversy on how much food we actually need. Everyone is different. Every body is different.

Today, January 2, 2013, I am fat. According to the social media medical science, I am morbidly obese. According to the average American at a size 16, I am normal. I am 5'9", I weigh an whopping 220 pounds. Last week I swore I weighed 210. Perhaps Christmas put me over-board. Or, consider the possibility I feel constipated I feel like I'm going to start having contractions at any given time and give birth to my fourth child. Who knows. The fact remains, I am fat. My countless rolls prove it.

So you fully understand what I am up against, I will give you some insight of my back ground. I do not have some dietitians degree. I do not believe one is necessary for common sense. I do have a degree in the social sciences, in which I obtained when I was thirty. I'm obviously a slow starter.

Unfortunately I am not just a fat adult, I was a fat kid too. I was taller and bigger than the other children I went to school with, thus resulting in teasing and tormenting. Of course back in the 1980's, bullying wasn't against the law. Parents and school administration wrote it off as "kids would be kids".

By the time I reached Junior High, I was bulimic and a binge eater. I could go days without eating. Then, I would stop at the burger joint for two cheese burgers, a large fry and a diet coke (have to have the diet). I would still be hungry, so I would travel next door to Subway for a foot sub. I would down that one, too. I would be good for another couple of days. Of course, my stomach would be so full and bloated it would hurt. So, I would take laxatives to get it all out and relieve some of the pressure.

When I was in High School in the early 1990's, I was thrilled to be a size three. I was so skinny, you could see my hip bones and my face was sunken in. Oh man, I thought I was smokin hot! The boys did too. I was a hottie back then. I didn't look anorexic. Hey, according to the medical charts, I was perfect. I was 5'9" and I was 165 lbs. According to them, that's where I was supposed to be.

Needless to say, I've struggled with my weight my entire life. I'm not blaming anyone, by all means. I have no one to blame for my binge eating and bulimia but myself. I don't blame the turds who tormented me in school either. They were only accomplishing the minimal tasks their IQ allowed at the time. Therefore, they were at no fault of their own.

My heaviest weight, I weighed in at a whopping 280 pounds. I blamed it on the fact that I was depressed. I was in an abusive relationship, and some weirdo doctor misdiagnosed my abusive relationship/depressive statute as bipolar and prescribed me depicote. Now, if you know anything about this medication, one of the side effects is weight gain. Once I realized that this quack knew nothing about me or my situation, I stopped the medication and moved on with my life without prescriptions and without an abusive spouse. Man, did I feel great! My weight dropped to 200 lbs.

Then, I got remarried and had another baby. I was so afraid of being fat again that I swore no matter what happened, I would never, ever let myself get like that again. And I didn't. I was careful throughout my pregnancy. I only gained 30 pounds. When I returned for my six week check-up, I had hit my goal to be back at 200 pounds again. Whoot whoot for me. I am that awesome!

Then, that jerk left me for a skinny little nineteen year old. He was nice enough to tell me how fat, ugly and nasty I was before he left. Oh, not to mention how every time he looked at me, he wanted to puke. Who can blame him? When I look at myself, I want to puke, too.

I guess you can call it divorce weight-loss. I don't know the correct sociology/psychological term for it, but many people drop weight when they are going through a divorce. Personally, I dropped to 180 pounds. I looked good. For the first time since high school, I was hot!

I was thirty years old and looking smokin' hot. I was the woman who went to the bar by herself and I went home by myself. It was a game to me. I knew the men wanted me and I loved the fact that I was in control knowing they couldn't have me because they thought of me as a "MILF". Sorry boys, this MILF  is too good for all of y'all! ha ha!

I was lonely, but it was worth it all because I looked hot and I knew it. Is that bad? I was so confident in myself that I thought I could walk in any where and turn heads. I even went to get my daughter, who was in the seventh grade at the time from the Junior High, and I heard a boy tell her, "WOW! That's your mom?! You're mom is so hot!" Talk about an ego booster. The kid was thirteen!

Here we are, three years later, and forty-five disgusting pounds heavier. My husband (yes, I'm married again, don't knock it) says I'm beautiful and sexy. I also know he isn't lying to me. In his eyes/mind, I am. But to me, I am utterly disgusting. I am no longer a MILF. I'm just an ILF. "I Lack Fabulousness"

So, that brings me to why I am here. Folks, it's not that I don't believe that people like Jillian Michaels was ever over weight but where are the stretch marks? Where's the dimples and cellulite? I see cellulite and dimples on Richard Simmons. I see them on Oprah.

I am real. I am a real life 34 year old, size 16, mother of three. I work a full time job. I eat, which makes me fat. I try to exercise and it sucks. I can never find the time. I have to make the time. In 2010 I was still a mother of 3, I was 190 pounds, I didn't eat but a few calories a day, and I ran a  mile and a half nearly every day. The difference between then and now, I was a college student. Today, I work a full time job.

I'm here to tell about my crappy experience in my new lifestyle. I'm making changes. My goal isn't to be skinny and a MILF again. Honestly, my goal is to continuously blog this crap in hopes to have a healthier lifestyle. I guess if I have someone to answer too, I'm more prone to follow through, right? Then, the outcome will be, a better and healthy lifestyle. Tada!

Now, it's 5:30 in the evening. I had a slim fast for breakfast and a slim fast for lunch. I had a banana for a snack. I thought I was going to fall over dead, so about 2 O'clock, I downed a 5 hour energy shot. When I arrived home at 4:30, I was sick to my stomach because I hadn't eaten anything and I ate two plain pieces of bread. You know, a sandwich with nothing in between. It's not good for you, but my stomach doesn't hurt any more.

I have yet to exercise. But hey! I did put my work out clothes in a gym bag and take it to work with me today. It lay right under my desk all day long looking pretty. I thought about working out, so I guess my brain got a workout, but I doubt I burned any calories.